Dementia Marathon Community

Archimedes' Lever

Sat, 14 Oct 2023 17:00:56 -0700

Archimedes the ancient Greek scientist better known for the Archimedes Principle of the Displacement of Water, is also reputed to have said, Give me a long enough lever and a suitable fulcrum and I will move the world.

You may not want to move the world but if you are inadvertently tasked with looking after someone living with dementia or a friend or family member of someone living with dementia, you may want to start thinking about assembling a team of helpers.

This can be a complicated and complex task. It's definitely not a one off event as your needs and the person living with dementia's needs are continually changing and evolving over time.

But the better this task is done, the better the outcomes for yourself and the person living with dementia.

A diverse team who ideally work well together, will cover a greater range of both your needs and the needs of your family member or friend who is living with dementia. The more you can delegate (create a longer lever) and the better you can work together (find an optimum fulcrum from which to operate your lever) , the easier and more satisfactory, your life should become and the better outcomes achieved all round.

Please leave comments and questions below.

Life Takes A New Turn

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 15:15:50 -0700

It turns out I'm something of a 'course junkie'.

Recently, I've had the itch to study again and yesterday I started David Kessler's Grief Education Certification Training. (http://www.davidkesslertraining.com )

As in the past few years I've been interacting with dementia and pondering on how people living with dementia are affected, I've been struck by the number of 'practical' suggestions and the paucity of reflection or even acknowledgement of the vast grief that surrounds that condition.

Where to begin ...

As part of the first week of the program, we were introduced to a list of some of the more commonly experienced types of grief, including anticipatory grief, delayed grief, secondary grief, complicated grief, ambiguous grief, collective grief ... you get the idea.

One of the more surprising ideas - to me - was the idea of the 'practical griever'. That person apparently acknowledges the loss (perhaps a death), goes to the funeral, cames back and gets on with life as before. Really??? I'm still getting my mind around that one and wondering how these people shape up in the longer term.

But, getting back to dementia, I've been wondering if one of the reasons we hear so little about the grief of dementia is that it encompasses so many different types of grief. In fact, the whole gamut.

Some types of grief

Anticipatory grief. In my own experience, I remember quite vividly contemplating each of my children when they were born, visualising with surprise and astonishment that they would grow old and die!

At the time I interpreted this as a morbid personal fascination to be strongly discouraged: now, I realise this could be categorised as a form of anticipatory grief!

Statistics tell us that the older we get, the greater our risk of dementia from multiple causes....Read More

When Life Is Out of Control

Sun, 02 Apr 2023 15:25:35 -0700

When is life ever in control!

This morning I had an email from one of my teachers, Lawrence Akers, a Melbourne based hypnotherapist. Lawrence runs a fabulous course, Release Hypnosis, that teaches people like me how to produce useful hypnotherapy tapes for their clients. Release Hypnosis recently had its 8th birthday so it's a serious effort.

I signed up with Lawrence several years ago and attended several of his live zoom calls as well as following the Facebook course. Despite its being a great course, I still haven't done anything with it :-( Another example of how out of our control our lives can be?

Recently, Lawrence has been updating his course. (I think this was prompted by an unexpected major update in one of the pieces of free software, the use of which forms a key part of the course.) As an enrolled student, I have lifetime access, not just to the original course but also to all the updates including this latest major update. (I think this is a unique - and very generous - aspect of Lawrence's approach to online teaching. Thank you, Lawrence. )

Anyway, long story short, this email was to announce an unanticipated delay in the delivery of the update due to circumstances outwith his control.

The Control Paradox

As articulated by Lawrence in his latest email, the control paradox is that 'the more you try to control what is outside of your control (which is practically everything), the more out of control you become.'

I couldn't agree more!

And the control paradox seems to me to apply in spades to us dementia marathon folk. Our own lives are turned upside down when we hear a diagnosis of...Read More

Avoid Unnecessary Suffering

Sat, 01 Apr 2023 23:14:52 -0700

What is unnecessary suffering?

You probably have your own way of looking at suffering. Buddhists, for example, see suffering as a necessary part of life, something that none of us can escape.

And I would agree with that. However, as I look around, I also see plenty of suffering that could be avoided if only people showed a little more kindness, basic common sense, or empathy for others.

But there are also many occasions when, once we've learned that something doesn't agree with us, in other words, that it causes us suffering, then we can choose something else. For example, if we know from experience that too much coffee makes us jittery, we can choose not to drink coffee or limit the number of times we drink coffee each day. .

How can learning about attachment styles help us avoid unneccesary suffering?

A person's attachment style is about the way they tend to relate to others. This can often be influenced by what we have perceived to happen to us when we were babies or toddlers. For example, a mother may find she has to have an emergency cesarean instead of the natural birh she anticipated. She may be able to take this in her stride but for some women and their babies, the effects of this may linger and affect their attachment style.

Mothers and babies who take this in their stride probably feel securely attached to each other. But some may start to wonder when the next 'disaster'will strike and what precautions they can take; other babies may feel they have been deserted by their mother in their hour of need and become anxious for the future. For other mothers, having a baby, a happy occasion, and having a caesar, a painful occasion, may become so closely fused in their experience that they find themselves looking at their new baby wih a horrifying mixture of attraction and repulsion.

4...Read More

The Dip

Wed, 29 Mar 2023 15:48:47 -0700

'Who, in their right mind, ever thought this was a good idea!!'

When I hear myself chiding myself with these words or similar, I know I am in a 'dip'.

Seth Godin has written a book titled The Dip which I have't read. But when I heard it referred to, I guessed the familiar (to me) experience to which he was referring and decided to write something about how this might affect carers, friends and families of those living with dementia.

There are days I waken up. And nothing seems appealing. I imagine that this experience happens to us all - in different circumstances, no doubt, and to different degrees. And even to carers ... those selfless compassionate folk who have dedicated their lives to helping a loved one run their dementia marathon.

Sometimes it helps to make a diagram, a sine wave perhaps, with its peaks and troughs.

At a peak, I am filled with enthusiasm and inspiration. The logic for pursuing this course of action is crystal clear. Go for it, girl! And I do.

Next thing, the inevitable trough. What goes up, comes down!

So here is a strategy and several tactics that I've personally found helpful in navigating the inevitabls dips in life.

Strategies and Tactics

The overall strategy is to simplify what I do to make it easier and more attractive to me.

The tactics - how I implement the strategy - are varied. They include, in no particular order,

Do something - anything - that will act as a self-starter.
Do what immediately appeals to me.
Refer to my diary and do whatever is listed there.

Other tactics that I rarely employ but that I consider have a great deal of merit include:

Call a friend or a buddy.
Recall some positive affirmations.
Organise a 'care-focused' activity for yourself.
Meditate.
Journal.

It very much depends on what kind of...Read More

Sleep Better

Fri, 27 Jan 2023 21:54:51 -0800

For a while now I've been focusing on getting better sleep at night.

I realised how important sleep was as I noticed my own sleep patterns were getting worse:

I was regularly waking up to pee. And finding it hard to get back to sleep.
Then I noticed that I had more sleep interference around the full moon! Go figure!
Then I read that our brains conducted some essential clean-up operations during sleep. And that poor quality sleep could increase the risk of developing a variety of adverse health conditions. So I've been keeping a look out for any recent research that I might use to help me get better quality sleep. Read on ...

Dr Austin Perlmutter has recently started a A BrainScience Newsletter. You can read more about it HERE.

The most recent issue has three tips for better sleep.

You've probably heard them all before. I had. But they are worth repeating because, in line with his newsletter being science-based, Dr Perlmutter gives the science behind each of his tips - or tricks as he calls them.

The first tip/trick is to go to bed at the same time each night.

Or if that seems too hard - and it did to me - then try for the same time five or six nights a week. The science behind this is that irregular sleep hours have been linked - in the case of older adults (like many of us!) to a variety of conditions including increased sleepiness during the day and depression. So presumably, keeping regular bedtime hours will lessen the risk of these unwelcome outcomes.

You can read the study, originally published in 2018 and most recently updated in December 2021, Read More

Getting Older

Wed, 11 Jan 2023 18:51:52 -0800

Many would agree that growing old is not fun. As the saying goes, Old age is not for wimps!

Like old cars, we require higher maintenance and more repairs: while we may continue to enjoy previous activities like meeting friends for a meal, recovery time is longer!

I remember an old friend, no longer with us, telling me that she only scheduled one major event a day and that she preferred every other day if possible. I didn’t really understand her then but now I see her point.

On the other hand, some may see the ageing process as a gift when as seniors we are recognised for our wisdom, we have opportunities to complete our ‘bucket lists’ and the chance to slow down and live a life of our own choosing.

Whether we prefer the ‘glass half empty’ or the ‘glass half full approach’, growing older is definitely a stage in our life cycle.

As Dementia Marathoners, should we go for one or the other approach?

On Saturday, January 21, Dr. John Douillard, DC, a recognized leader in Ayurveda and natural health, will share how science-based Ayurveda practices can shift physical and emotional...Read More

We All Need A Sangha

Fri, 06 Jan 2023 22:34:52 -0800

We all Need a Sangha

The late Buddhist icon, Thich Nat Hanh, tells this story.

This person/the hero(ine) of the story, lived for three weeks in a Buddhist community, a Sangha. During that time s/he participated fully in the daily life of the Sangha. One of the key features of a Sangha is a daily meditation practice. Sometimes the meditation is about mindful breathing; sometimes it is about mindful walking. The emphasis is always on being mindful in the present moment.

While this person was living in the Sangha, meditation was easy and he - it could have been a she - found it easy to stay in the present moment. S/he lived in an energy of peace.

Then one day this person was sent to do the shopping. in the market place they were surrounded by people of quite a different energy, the energy of rushing. All around them people were rushing to get stuff done and move on to the next thing on their list. To their horror, our hero/ine found that they had stopped being mindful! The energy of peace had been replaced by the energy of rushing.

Until they returned to the community. Once again, they were surrounded by the energy of peace and once again, the...Read More

Health and Wellness In Our Own Hands

Sun, 01 Jan 2023 12:43:14 -0800

Although I no longer make new year resolutions as such, I'm a bit of a sucker for a fresh start and for regular reviews.

I've made a few fresh starts on the first of January over the decades and I can't help using the 'festive season' as an excuse to review what's been going down in my life.

So here goes ...

Fresh Start

You may have noticed I have scarcely communicated over the past month or so. Truth to say, I've been feeling very down and discouraged. Although I've not been short on things to say, I just couldn't summon up the energy to put pen to paper, fingers to computer, whatever.

However, with the Xmas season well and truly over, and 2023 started, I feel my mojo returning.

A theme for 2023

I'm proposing we (the Dementia Marathon Community) adopt the theme, 'Take your Health and Wellness into your own Hands' as our theme for this year. With that in mind, I'm going to start with a perennial issue, Decluttering!

Kerry and I were talking about decluttering last week. Specifically, about some of the issues that activity raises.

The big name in decluttering is Marie Kondo and she has familiariazed us with the idea that we should only keep those things that give us joy. An admirable idea, BUT ... Both Kerry and I found an immediate problem with that concept - we could both think of several examples of things that give us much joy but simply don't fit into our current lifestyles.

As a follow up last week, Kerry forwarded me an approach to decluttering that I'd like to share with you because it embodies several aspects of the activity that seem to be perennially important.

Please, read it and then leave a comment. What did you like? What didn't sit so well? What have...Read More

Self-Care: Four Assumptions

Mon, 26 Sep 2022 15:15:56 -0700

Are these assumptions REALLY true?

Over the past few weeks our newsletter theme has been self-care.

Carers need self-care. We ALL need self-care.

As you know, I’ve recently moved house: from the suburbs to the CBD; from a relatively isolated existence to a relatively collective and communal existence.

I’ve used the change as an opportunity to reflect on some of my own assumptions about what self-care is and how it might work better for me.

Assumption #1. Self-care is a ‘good thing’.

If care is a good thing then self-care, along with the care of others, must also be good things. And good things by definition are things that we all want and need to some degree and should encourage for ourselves and those around us.

Assumption #2. Self-care is an ‘adult’ skill and state of mind.

We don’t expect babies to show self-care. In fact, babies have to be on the receiving end of care; without proper care they die.

As they grow up, their needs change and so the care that they need changes, as does their capacity to care for others and themselves.

It’s a parent’s task to evolve with their child, to ensure their child’s safety through maintaining a delicate balance between boundaries and freedom.

Assumption #3. Self-care is a skill that can be learned.

As...Read More